Our boys are continuing to work hard on
learning to suck, swallow, and breathe at the same time during
feedings without dropping their heart rates or oxygen levels (when
they forget to breathe). It seems though that we stalled a bit –
very little progress to report this week. Both of them are still at 4
bottles (out of total 8) per 24 hours and even then, they aren't able
to finish them. I have even taken a break with nursing them, so they
can focus on mastering bottle feedings which are supposed to be less
work than eating from the breast. A feeding specialist came by today
to set up a time with us to customize a treatment plan to help them
learn to eat. That would consist of finding a bottle and nipple that
work for them (so many options out there!), teaching us to pace them
some more (tilting the bottle to allow them to breathe), doing
suck/swallow counts during feedings, and preventing apnea and
bradycardia episodes before they occur by watching the babies. Its
not a science, but an art – each baby is different and this is one
thing that we don't have machines for in the NICU and the babies have
to learn to do this on their own. They don't come home with feeding
tubes...
My biggest fear now is them not coming home by their 40 week
due date, October 24. And the fear that follows is that I won't have enough time with them before I have to go back to work. It was hard enough to accept NICU visits eating up most of my maternity leave. Now, my return to work date (end of 12 weeks) is November 12th and I just left a voice mail for my boss yesterday asking him to call me to discuss a personal leave of absence. I plan to ask for just 2 more weeks, so I would return to work the week of Thanksgiving. That would essentially give me roughly a month with them at home before things get more complicated, but that's assuming they come home on October 24, which is less than 3 weeks away... I fear they won't be ready. Perhaps I should just be thankful for 2 healthy babies - this experience has been so humbling and we met SO many parents with kids that have major complications, that I simply can't overshadow the joy of having 2 healthy beautiful boys by my worries about spending time with them during leave. Everything should be considered in perspective! I tell myself that they are going at their own pace and will come home when they are ready.
Another small issue: Carter had some blood
in his diaper (again – first time was Sept 23) and this time, its
been diagnosed as a milk protein allergy. So, he has been getting
Similac Alimentum formula and I have been put on an elimination diet
of no dairy. On Monday, it will have been 5 days since my diet
started and I will be able to start giving the NICU breast milk again
for Carter. Poor little guy – the formula makes him constipated. It kills me to see him eating formula though I know its for less
than a week, while I have a half full deep freezer of breast milk he
can't tolerate. Logan hasn't had this problem, thankfully. Though I
think having no dairy will benefit him too – he gets very gassy
sometimes.
A bright spot from last week – a lovely nurse offered me to hold them at the
same time for 5 minutes (their schedules are not synchronized so
their allowed “touch times” are off by an hour). It was amazing!
I never saw them so close to each other before and had a silly smile
on my face the entire 5 minutes. Carter was awake and was exploring
the boppy pillow with his big curious eyes and everything on it,
including Logan. Logan was still snoozing, but he was moving his arms
in his sleep. Somehow the two of them got to hold hands for a brief
moment and I caught a picture of it... Absolutely precious. Moments
like this make me so glad that I have twins and get to watch them
interacting together though it is in very small ways right now.
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